Radiation- the emotional toll.

I wish I could tell you radiation is easy. To me it was the worst or maybe it was just because it was the last step in my process and emotionally I was done.

The only appointment I went by myself this whole process was when I did the ct scan and the original mapping of where the radiation was going to hit. I am claustrophobic and have become very anxious during this whole process so that didn’t help.

My first day was supposed to be mapping with the radiation starting the next day. Well technology didn’t want to work with us so the day of the mapping had to be postponed a day. More anxiety for me. They scheduled both the mapping and the first treatment for the next day. Which suprinsinly I did fine with. The next day. I had a panic attach in the machine and they had to stop and bring me out…. We did continue and I got that one done.

The next day was 8 years to the day that we lost my mom to ovarian cancer so another attack and another time to get me out of the machine and help me relax. My team was amazing and help me through it.

It was really hard knowing that your mom passed away from cancer on a day that you are fighting for your life. Every journey is different and I am not sure my mom got radiation but it stays with you. What was she thinking - why did I have to have to go through this as well. Reminding myself why I was still fighting- my husband who has been my rock and has not let me give up….. my girls who at some point I want to see graduate and see where life takes them. Friends and family and caretakers that have become friends and the people I have meet along the way. The fight is not only for me but for all those who have touched my life no matter how large or small.

Today was my last treatment after 16 rounds. Monday through Friday. My team was not only my caregivers and support system- they became friends and I am grateful for them