Hair Loss - Identity - Does it define you

I lost a chunk of my hair on Mother's Day evening and then another portion on the 15th. Two important dates. One of course being Mother's Day - and the other being the birthday of the daughter that made me a mother.

To say it was traumatizing I guess would be an understatement. My own mother had cancer, and we lost her over 8 years ago. I remember combing her hair out literally while in the hospital bed. I have now been on both sides of the equation and neither is fun.

While I was expecting it any day to happen - and I thought I was fine with it. The days on which it happened were hard. The paxman had done a pretty good job of helping me not lose my hair but at some point, it was going to happen. the dr told me to reconsider shaving my hair at my appointment after Mother's Day just because i still had a good amount of hair. I did reconsider and, on that Thursday, when i had another big shed - I was over it.

My husband and my oldest daughter helped me through it. My husband shaved my head in our bathroom and my daughter held my hand. It was one of the most humbling and experiences of my life. Why - because I thought my red hair was actually part of my identity. It has always been my feature of preference. My hair was thick and dark auburn and long....It was my mask. I could hide behind it.

Well, not anymore. You know how symbolic losing my hair on Mother's Day is. It made me realize - I am not my hair (although I miss it). I am blessed to be a mother to 3 wonderful daughters, that take time to hold my hand through it all. A husband who I know is my rock and who has seen me through the worst of time and is still standing next to me holding me up when I can't stand on my own literally and physically, a neighborhood who on some levels is closer than family and have given me so much love. And so many more friends that have supported us - work friends, friends that I have met through my children and we have stayed connected.

So in shedding my hair - I have also been blessed. I have received more love and support than I have every thought. I didn't lose my identity - I was able to free it.

They say when you hit rock bottom there is only one way and that is up. Unfortunately, that is not true - especially when rock bottom is at the beach and you have dips and you have the waves..... you get tossed around a lot. Well, I've hit rock bottom several times and been tossed about a lot. I have been bruised but not broken. My hair - is only a small part of who I am - and I am stronger because I have shed it

Life is about the ups and downs and how you deal with them. They aren't always the easiest and I have said several times that I am done with this but once my moment of feeling is passed I get back up and keep going. I need to do this not only for my husband and my girls but for me. I am stronger for this - maybe - lets see where the day ends.