Processing the news

This is my journey. Each person that gets the news that they have some form of cancer has their own journey to walk. No matter what the diagnosis when you hear that you have cancer – your world as you know it changes. Each person that gets that news has the right to their own journey and it is just as personal and important as mine.

That being said whenever a person gets the new the first questions are how or why me or could I have done things differently, how bad is it or how will it affect me, my family my life in general. Those are questions that you can’t answer right away. Those are questions that really have to be walked through. Your journey to cancer survival and recover begin now.

Whenever you hear the word cancer you always cringe. You never think that it could happened to you or to your family…. Unless it has. Then you compare your diagnosis to theirs… It is heartbreaking and devastating and unimaginable and all those words.

I wanna say I was ok when I got the news but I wasn’t. I was waving between how am I going do this and what the ????. I was a basket case for most of our trip to Florida and I don’t really remember much. Reality had set in and I was just floating trying to figure things out. My biggest question was – why me. Well I am still not sure on that answer and probably never will be but have come to terms with is somewhat.

The biggest thing was how I wanted to control the narrative. Well God has a sense of humor with that one too. We got the news on Wed and by Friday I had people in Atlanta that already knew. So I couldn’t control that narrative either. Chris and I decided to tell some key people so that we weren’t bombarded with questions but could still get the information to people that we knew and that cared about us. We also wanted to safeguard our kids from getting the constant questions and them having to ride the rollercoaster as much as we could. So we could have time to process as a family. I am forever grateful to these individuals that safeguarded my family during this time.

So that brings me to why this blog is here and maybe the WHY. I never wanted my condition to be this public but for some reason God did. I don’t know if it was because I was meant to help someone else or maybe for me to see my self-worth or for me to education myself and others. Who knows but here we are. Through wit and sarcasms and tears and frustration, treatments and appointments and everything in between – here we go and you are along for the ride.