The Blog that wasn't supposed to happen

I never intended for my personal journey to get out. I never intended for this blog to happen and I never intended to share my big and little feelings like this.... but when God has a plan and you don't adjust to his plan..... well he makes those adjustments for you.

I go the news that I had cancer on Thursday Dec 26, 2024.... less than 72 hours later - someone we had not told was reaching out and telling me they heard the news and were praying for us. I hadn't even gotten the chance to tell most of my family.

When I say I was in shock - I was. I called some friends and we formed a communications wall so that my family had time to adjust to the news and to figure out next steps. These people that protected me and my family but also send out information - there are still no words to express my gratitude. But I also knew that people would still ask questions and still want more information. I couldn't rely on them forever. Even this bit was hard.

Asking I tried to go through all the steps of you’ve got cancer grief- denial- bargaining- anger- depression- acceptance. One thing kept coming up… you’re going to have to deal with it somehow and accept it and show up and fight - because you have 3 amazing daughters and a husband you can’t live without. You’ve been a Girl Scout leader for 13 years, you volunteer at the middle and high schools- you’ve have an audience that needs to see you fight. You cannot run and hide under a rock for the however long the treatment lasts. You’ve got to show up. You have a unique opportunity to document your journey.

Yes there are days and weeks of the journey that aren’t here and some will be posted- some will not. Some I don’t remember as they blur together. There will be posts of other facts that are important -such as labs and what the nurses and doctors look for when approving your treatment for the day and why others are there but not as important. Caregiver information and questions to ask your doctor, your surgeon and your plastic surgeon. There will also be more personal information- my journey, my thoughts and my feelings.

One thing I am really trying to learn and it is not easy - not only asking for help, but being patient with myself, my healing, my recovery, my self worth. That asking for help doesn’t make me weak. That my appearance doesn’t make me less. That I am allowed to sleep in and recover. That yes life has continued, things have happened that I couldn’t be a part of and it hurts but…… I am still here and still fighting so I can go on to see different things and still be.